Published on: 7/16/2024
One of the most moving and tragic songs I’ve heard in my life is The Ocean by The Bravery. I first heard it when I was 18. At that time I was in a relatively serious relationship. I was also experiencing what would eventually be diagnosed as the depressive depths of bipolar disorder.
My girlfriend was a constant distraction who kept the suicidal thoughts at bay. I tried to see her every day. We texted constantly. She was beautiful and warm and seemed to really like me. I admired her deeply.
After awhile it became obvious that the relationship was going to end. Despite my deep affection for her, I didn’t love her. I didn’t love anything or anyone.
One night I heard The Ocean for the first time. Despite my universal apathy, the lyrics cut to my core.
I climbed up a mountain, and looked off the edge
At all of the lives that I never have led
There’s one where I stayed with you, across the sea
I wonder, do you still think of me?
We separately felt the pull of diverging currents, and neither of us had the energy to hold onto each other.
Reflecting on the “lives I didn’t lead” brings up a universe of conflicting emotions. Most of which revolve around wondering if she still thinks of me the way I still think of her.
The ocean rolls us away..
And I lose your hand through the waves